The Sensuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being .

When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in urbane areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. If a potential Extra resources partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay guys want to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

However, North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow in time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with sound judgment. While useful source great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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