The Sensuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and effects.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).

B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to exceptionally hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and Visit Website bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, well-being, and love .

When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a number of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in urban areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay males desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship anchor failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!

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